OH HAI.
January 20, 2009
I seek forgiveness for the previous emo crappy post. I am truly disgusted with myself now. *cleanses self with dettol*
No matter how much I try to stop blogging, I can’t. It’s like, disturbia.
Anyways, all thanks to Ilyana and her greatest bff, I got my own domain. Thank you very much, I love you guys like the stars upon the brows of the elves.
PS: It’s like empty because I have zero clue on what to do.
k I’ve decided to like not blog nemore. Thank you for reading all these years (exaggeration).
Imma love you, everyone, anyone and whoever that still exists here!
I’ve lost both of them.
January 9, 2009
How do I even begin this? I’m typing this with a really heavy heart and crying so so bad, I just want to die. I thought I wouldn’t cry when I get back home, not until I go to sleep and the inevitable thoughts of him would come but my tears came pouring again like crazy in the solitude of my room.
Yesterday my mum came crying in my room saying my grandfather got hospitalised due to high fever. I was not thinking much about it because he’s a tough guy. Had stroke for 11 years, paralysed on one hand and not able to walk properly but insisted on being independant using a walking stick. He used to cook his own meals even in that limited physical state. I will forever remember the sound of him walking around the house in that walking stick since I was a kid. So not much thought was put into that fever.
I remembered once when I was a kid, I bought one of those cheap 50 cents boxes that contain those lame toys and chocolate balls. I got this ridiculous toy that comes in a string with a neon donut shape thing hanging in the middle. I think there were instructions on how to play it but for the life of me, I couldn’t figure it out and so I turned into an angry kid. I complained to my grandfather that they cheated my 50 cent and gave me some stupid broken toy. He took it, hooked one side of the string to his paralysed hand and started pulling the other side with his other side. AND THE WHOLE THING SPINNED SO BEAUTIFULLY! I was so amazed, I demanded that he teached me how to do it but no matter how much I tried, I kept failing at making the neon thing spin. /fail.
Today, I woke up at 6.50am and was not planning on going back to sleep and continue reading LOTR. My aunt called at around 7am and said that my grandfather was in critical condition. Mega shocking news. A few minutes later, she called saying my grandfather had passed away. I was pretty much stunned for a while and then I started crying because when I told my mum, she just sat on the floor and cried.
My grandfather had called my mum saying he wanted to see her because he was worried when she got hospitalised. But my mum did not get to see him for the last time. He went away peacefully and his face looked so different and serene. Throughout his life, he was never troublesome even in sickness.
My mum was going through his things just now and found a small bag which contains documents in his life such as a couple of my grandmother’s death certificates, my parents marriage certificate, the day he got his singaporean citizenship, his youngest son’s driving license, his own marriage certificate, a list of names and a few other documents that were in arabic which was obviously not a talent of mine. All of this rougly folded in his small bag. There was also a nose inhaler and a tin of nixoderm in there. What hits me most was a thin photo album that contains a few photos. A couple of pictures of my parent’s marriage, a wedding picture of my parents and my aunt and uncle who got married on the same day. In the background were my other grandparents, smilling so happily. Then there were 2 of my baby photos and a few other old photos. In that photo album was another marriage certificate of my parents and my uncle driving license.
In the short period of one month, I’ve lost both grandfathers, both who cared so much for others and both whom I loved so very dearly in my life. I wished things were different. I wished I was closer to my maternal cousins but we’re on totally different dimensions. I wished I had a happier start of the new year but it started with the death of a very dear one.
You know things are bound to happen and when it hits you, it hits you hard. You know you have to accept fate and move on but it just hurts really bad.
To both my grandfathers, I hope you’re in a much much happier desired place and I hope you’ve meet my little brother. Tell him his sister misses him, misses his handsome smiling face, touching his really soft ears and the way he crawls all over the house.
Goodbye. I love you.
cupcake(s)
January 5, 2009
Some random woman named Alia wanted to bake stuffs so we went to her house and baked stuffs. mmm.. baked stuffs.
We baked some velvet cupcake with cream cheese frosting which turned out pretty nice tasting. I was abit sceptical about the taste because ilyana’s hair flew into the batter.
Firstly, put in a stick of butter in.
THIS WHOLE CHUNK WENT IN THE BATTER!!!11
Ilyana: erm, are you sure that’s a stick of butter?
Fatin: Yesss! Correct!
Alia: This is a stick what!
Ilyana: Coz usually, they sell those butter and it says there, one stick.
Fatin: Oh ok. *takes off butter from batter and scoop into cup*
So, that was a major total turn off. Then halfway, I saw a hair curler lying around and started playing with it lol. I get easily distracted you see.
